Stuart and I went on a manhunt for Ali most of the day. This came to a head after Kim had visited Sarah’s mum to fill her in on the situation with no holds barred – Ali is now entirely unwelcome at their home.
Highlights have included screaming at him (as prospective buyers were at the cottage up the road)
that we would call the police as he ran down the road; driving at top speed down the Lempitlaw Road and chasing him through a field; stalking him through another field and wood then realising that we were both wearing bright white T shirts so put in an emergency call to Kim for dark jackets, an OS map and binoculars.
Armed professionally we waited for him hidden above a railway bridge as the Kelso new bridge was the only likely spot for him to cross. However, Stuart and I were feeling a bit peckish so went to the Cobbles Inn (that was apparently the time he managed to slip through our net) for a spot of lunch.
We then drove around town searching for him at all the spots where Stuart used to skive off school. At one point dressed in sweaty white T shirts and me a few pints down and wearing sunglasses – went into the local sports shop and asked if they sold any Baseball Bats. I don’t know if they called the police but they were looking particularly edgy but were offering us a bow and arrow instead which I wasn’t too sure about.
We then looked particularly dodgy outside the back of the school gate (being the only ones not smoking) and spotting a friend of Stuart mounting the pavement whilst driving erratically.
We worked out that he would be meeting Sarah so worked which was her bus stop and in the meantime went into the local country store and as I was asking for Rings for my Lambs (she looked suspiciously at me as if I wasn’t the sort of person to be a shepherd) – Stuart was loitering around the till area. Now we were really looking dodgy. No rings and no baseball bats – we were seriously disadvantaged in a fight.
We separated to form a pincer movement from where Sarah’s bus was going to debus and Ali was right in the middle. We then remonstrated physically with him to get him in the car (whilst various people are watching) then take him to a field and rough him up a little (as other people are walking their dogs along the old railway line). He ran off to Sarah’s and I was on the phone to Kim who was on the phone to Karen who had been told that Stuart and I were coming with baseball bats (amazing how news travels). Sarah’s stepdad was being awoken (he is on a night shift) with the words ‘there is going to be trouble’.
Stuart and I cut him off at the pass and stood there like gunfighters in the middle of a housing estate, in the middle of the junction to Sarah’s house. Ali arrived and we had a standoff – we weren’t letting him past us and he wasn’t going to go home. With various choice phrases including ‘I will break your f**king leg and drag you home’ and you come with us now or go to hospital, not noticing the old man cutting his hedges in one garden and the woman washing her windows at the other house. Stuart and I conscious that it would now be us being arrested – walked away saying ’see you in hospital then’ and drove back to see if Sarah’s stepdad had beaten him up yet. Ali was sitting crying at the curb – he said he hadn’t gone up and he wanted to come home. I bundled him in the back of the car and waved to the old chap standing watching in his garden.
If there is a Crimewatch episode on kelso featuring two chaps in white T-shirts brandishing baseball bats – please don’t shop us!
